[Member Discussions and Questions] Adoption After RA Diagnosis and Disability?

February 6

We’ve had a few members that have had questions or worries about becoming an adopted parent or foster parent with their diagnosis and disability. They are wondering if any one has gone through the process RA onset and did it affect the process in anyway. They want to start a family but are afraid their disability will be held against them so maybe some assurance that you made it through the process? 

Thank you in advance for your input and sharing your experiences to help answer this members question. (((pain-free internet hugs)))

What our members have said so far:

Laura – Don’t know about adoption and fostering but will say being a parent is hard work but being a parent with RA is even harder, always rewarding but hard when you are not well yourself xxx take care

Kimberly – We adopted three, don’t recall there being any problems. it was 14 yrs ago. I think they may be more concerned with a loving home, than disabilities, not sure it probably also depends on where you live. One thing I would suggest it to NOT make your disability YOU!, You are not a disability.

Anikó – I’m on biologics, I have 2 kids. I was pregnant with my 2nd child, when I could stop MTX for 12 weeks (taking lots of folic acid during this time). Ups and downs, but it worth. I think I was crying more times, than my children, but later biologics helped me. (Symponi, Humira, Cimzia). I could not breast feed, i should start MTX right after labor. If I want a third, I will adopt. Pregnancy is not very good for RA. If you can take meds, try it, it is hard till the child is 4.

Manda – I’ve had RA since i was 14 I’m 25 now, and i think having my daughter has improved my flexibility, and keeps me on my toes, kind of like…not having time to feel tired

Angela – I fostered a child right at the time I got diagnosed… Didn’t hinder me at all. I rested when he rested and had to keep going because I had a two year old to take care of. Made my quality of life so much happier having him around…

Michelle – Just went through this with my nephew. So long as you are not labeled disabled… you should be fine. If you are you may have some struggles but I have heard of people fighting it…. and winning. I recommend going through Catholic orphanages… and no you don’t have to be catholic.

Anne – Got turned down by two agencies for adoption…look hard at all the agencies ..before picking one to go with..

Krys – I never adopted but I have a child. It was harder when he was a baby because I used my hands a lot for button, zippers, wipes, diapers etc…as he got older and understood my RA he can be very helpful at times. I found ways to do things and hold things as I grew as a mom. So it helped me more than it ever hurt me. Ya, RA sucks and it hurts but if you want to be a parent it shouldn’t stop you or an adoption process unless you are unable to care for yourself.

Anne – PS one was a catholic agency… Basis for being turned down was my RA…and hubby being just over 50 at the time

Lisa – Hi i am currently fostering was diagnosed 2 yrs ago and I’ve been fostering for 5 years . RA should not stop you being a carer however it did limit age groups for me. I used to look after children aged 0-9 years but found the little guys too much. Now i have a teenager in placement and my 11 year old son. It takes a lot of pressure off u when they can wash. Dress and do things independently. Where as i struggled with bathing and changing nappies of little ones. Once you are approved you can always take time out if u get too bad . I took six months off due to RA but once i felt better on my meds i passed medical and picked up again. All is going well . So good luck x

Angel – Isn’t is sad that this is even a concern for her? I’m not labeled “disabled” technically, yet have RA. We fostered a baby until Dec. of course I struggled some days but my husband was here to back me up. I also have other children that were able to come into play and help where needed at times. We loved this child dearly. She was safe, well cared etc. That is what is important. Not whether I’m disabled or not. I feel so strongly about this and can get so fired up about this because there are so many kids out there needing families, many willing families, and I also am a adopted child myself.

Helen – Am 36 have had RA for 26 yrs, 16 ops inc hip replacements, knees, neck fusion, ankle replacement, wrist fusion etc. on Abatacept, mtx, steroids. My 2 yr old adopted son was placed with us just 1 week ago. Process took 2 years (UK) & in the early stages it focused heavily on whether or not I could physically care for a child. I was furious, but now I understand. Having a wide & solid support network of friends & family was important to the agency as was my knowledge & understanding of my condition & how to manage it & my ability to ask for help if needed. My husband has taken extra leave while we settle in together. 1 week in, I’m exhausted, but elated.

Lisa – I adopted in 2003 without trouble (a newborn baby) GOOD NEWS… I have an entire 80-page eBook coming out in about 2 weeks called “Should I Have a Baby If I am Chronically Ill? The ultimate guide of questions to ask yourself, your spouse and your medical team.” It has a whole section on adoption too. Hopefully Niki can let you know when it’s available.

Katie – Wow seriously, now I have to worry about not being able to adopt a child too. I’m 30, and I will have one at some point ill lie I don’t care

Teresa – It would be illegal if they didn’t allow someone to adopt because they are “disabled”. My husband & I adopted 3 kids from foster care and I had no problems during the process.

Susan – I am the mom to 2 bio kids and one adopted from China @ 14 months old 14 yr ago I have RA and fibromyalgia. At the time a few more questions were asked of us but in the long run my condition did not hamper the process. And, Yay for adoption!! It’s a great way to grow a family

Carol – I have not, but my daughter’s fiance’s parents have chronic illness and have fostered many children.

Heidi – I didn’t know having rheumatoid arthritis is considered a disability? i have ra myself i never knew of that

Heidi – why would they turn down someone that wants a child because they have RA?  it has limitations but you can work around and with it, it doesn’t have to control you

Claire – When we started looking at adoption I was horrified that my arthritis would count against us, we were told that the children had been through enough without the trauma of a disabled parent. We focused on fertility treatment and were lucky our daughter turned 1 in Nov. It’s hard but already she knows that mummy is a little different n helps me. I feel blessed. I was really well in the later stages of pregnancy. Good luck and hopefully you’ll be successful xx

Marcy – it all depends on how bad & limiting your RA is, or other medical disease.

Monika – I have RA. We have one bio daughter and have adopted three children (1 girl, 2 boys) from China. I was upfront with the agencies about it but we didn’t have any problems. (we used a different agency for each adoption) My rheumatologist wrote a letter for me each time, explaining my diagnosis and treatment, and that I am capable of caring for a child.

Valarie – I’ve been a foster/adoptive parent for 10 years. I’ve had one form or another of arthritis from birth. I’ve had RA for the last 10+ years. If you have a good support system and spouse it can be done.

Stephanie – My mother had severe RA and adopted me in 1985. She and my dad didn’t have any problems.

Becky – I am sad to say that we’ve had some problems getting an agency to work with us. It is illegal but their focus was on whether or not we would have enough support. Planning on trying again with another agency. Thank you for asking this question!

Debbie – Adopted our son 16 yrs ago and the only issue was a concern for my health that I would have enough support to be able to raise a child and all that goes with it. I blessed with a wonderful husband who still does more than his fair share. We will watch our son graduate this year. We adopted a toddler as my hands weren’t strong enough for an infant. No regrets. Go for it.

Sasha – I adopted 5 kids 6 years ago with my hubby who is a quadriplegic. We didn’t have any problems and were really pushed into it . However, I now have fibro and RA that was triggered because of the children I adopted and their special needs and traumas. I still want to have biological children and possibly foster kids down the line since I have so much experience with PTSD, rad, and odd now. Anyhow, no one really questioned my hubby’s income or health. We just had physicals and a letter from the doc.

Donna – Much of this depends upon what your doctor says. Most agencies will require you to have a physical and a letter from the doctor advising how your physical condition affects your activities. If you have a good relationship with your doctor, you can kinda dictate how this is worded and portray yourself in the most accurate and positive light. It is also important to show what type support system you have (i.e grandparents, spouse, etc) as this is very important to balance out any limitations you might have. I can’t speak much to domestic adoptions, but international adoptions depend very much on which country you choose. I have had very active RA all my life but adopted a beautiful baby boy from Guatemala 11 yrs ago. At that time, I was told Korea and China would not consider me as a prospective parent because of my health. I understand Russia is very strict about health conditions, too. The best thing to do is visit a reputable agency (or agencies, if necessary) and explain exactly what your concerns are, how your health is and what limitations you may have. They can advise you as to domestic vs. international and what countries’ health guidelines are. It is also a good idea to discuss what age child might suit your situation best. One final note: if you decide to adopt internationally, be sure to consider the travel requirements. My mobility and pain make travel difficult for me so that was a very important consideration. Adopting from Russia, for example, typically requires two separate trips, often as long as 2 weeks each. I knew that would be too much for me. Guatemala was only a few hours’ flight and we were only required to make one trip that lasted less than a week.

Reva – It CAN and DOES affect adoptions through agencies. It will only affect a private adoption if it is brought to light to the social worker that is assigned to your adoption case. Been there…done that…go the heartache to prove it.

Kirsten – My JRA is severe. We were approved through several private agencies and also became foster parents as well. I had numerous doctor letters to back up that I could care for an infant or child. In the end my daughter was adopted privately but ONLY because I had been caring for her sister as a foster so her Birth Mom approached us to adopt the baby. Had that not happened we were in line with several other agencies just waiting for a “match”. My daughter is now 8, with her own special needs and since my husband walked out when she was 6 weeks old I have have been a single parent since for all purposes that matter. It can be done. It may take some extra steps and extra support from people around you, but…yes…it can happen.

Patty – I was diagnosed with RA at age 5.I didn’t know if I would ever be able to care for children or even walk!! I gave birth to 3 children. A daughter age 26 a son age 23 and a 6 yr old daughter who was born when I was 42 yrs old! She gives me a reason to get dressed and cook meals every day! PS. I AM A SINGLE MOM!! My 2 oldest are grown and on their own I care for my little one all by myself! The love of a child makes the pain bearable and life with RA easier!! I have RA in every joint in my body. God is amazing! Good luck with your adoptions!

Christina – We considered adopting and had several people tell us we might have to visit numerous agencies before we would find one willing to work with us because of my JRA. We were even told trying to adopt through our church might be easier. After long consideration we went with IVF instead. Costs less & none of the possible drama & heartache that can come with adopting. Now I’m a proud Mama of a 3 month old little boy!

Gretchen – I am a foster parent and my RA was a nonissue in our licensing process.

Crystal – Does anyone know costs for adoptions and can you do payments

Carol – The children had been through enough without the trauma of a disabled parent]] o_O So, only “perfect” parents need apply? I find that insulting. My children are BETTER human beings for having grown up with a handicapped parent.

Charlene – I was diagnosed with RA two years after we adopted our daughters. They were 8 & 9 years old. Before being diagnosed I could barely walk and stayed in the bed all the time. After meds and such I started taking my life back. There are times I can’t do the things I would like to do with them. I use to feel bad because when our boys were younger I was more active with them. Having my girls has been a blessing to me, they help me a lot and understands my condition and they are very sensitive to it. I can’t grocery shop, cook, go some places without them. My girls are now 16 and 17, If I was diagnosed with RA before the adoption I wouldn’t have adopted them because of my limitations.

Amanda – Unadopted children grow up with disabled parents all the time. It is life. It breeds compassion, love, and responsibility. By the time any of us reach 20 years of age, our own parents are already starting to feel the signs of aging, so I am not sure why a disabled parent should not adopt. It is silly.

Lisa – I have a pin board on parenting with an illness and also pregnancy or possible pregnancy. I also just added some adoption links. Parenting when ill: http://pinterest.com/restministries/parenting-when-ill/ Products for ill or disabled moms http://pinterest.com/restministries/products-for-ill-or-disabled-moms/ Pregnancy and illness http://pinterest.com/restministries/pregnancy-and-chronic-illness/ there is also a board of moms with illness blogs and my book on “should I have a baby if I am chronically ill” is being proofed now. Hope this helps
Parenting When Ill

Lisa – Crystal, regarding costs, it depends on a million things. County adoptions can be very little. Private can be much more. Foreign can also be $20,000 top. We went through Bethany Christian Services in 2001 or so, he was born in 2003. Cost was based on a sliding scale and by the time we got the $5,000 tax credit back the next year, it didn’t cost more than a couple of thousand–about what it would have cost to have a baby with our health insurance. There are lots of options and some can sound scary because they are 20 K but ask a lot of questions of different agencies (a local conference on adoption can give you a lot of resources). If you want a child, you should be able to afford it, it just may be a different path than you had imagined.

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The above is a discussion created by a member and with member generated responses from our Facebook community (facebook.com/rachicks) put into a format so that the discussion can be archived for future answers needed by others in a searchable format while keeping member anonymity. Member provided information, statements and opinions do not reflect on RAChicks.com or all individuals with Autoimmune Arthritis. We encourage all members to seek professional medical advice for any specific questions and concerns as this does not substitute competent medical care.